10 Ways To Successfully Annoy an Equally Annoying Counterpart

Is there someone in your life who, for no particular reason at all, you want to annoy? That kid in your history class, your friends, your parents, your parents' friends, your friend's friend's sister's cousin twice removed? Well, now you can! And I personally guarantee your satisfaction: your unsuspecting victim will cry, attempt to kill you, and then beg for mercy, while still attempting to kill you.

This series has been divided into 2 parts. Ten more tactics will be posted as soon as I get out of this cellar.

1. Say someone's name over and over. If possible, add stuff that rhymes. Example:

You: Dan. Dan. Dan. DAN, SERIOUSLY. Dan. Dan. Dan the Man. Dan-a-lan-a-dingdong. Dan-a-roo. Dan Face. Danny Boy. Dan. Dan. Da—"
Dan: WHAT?
You: Your fly is down. 

2. Tell everyone his fly is down, even if it isn't. This is especially effective if you make outrageously unsubtle hand signals in the direction of his crotch during his class presentation.

3. Bring 13 popsicles to class. Line them up on your desk. Challenge yourself to a popsicle-eating race. Slurp as loudly as possible.

4. Overreact to absolutely everything that someone says. Example:

Gary: So then I bought pants.
You: YOU DIDN'T!! GARY, YOU SLY, SLY SONOFAGUN! YOU OLD DOG, YOU! *Falls to the floor, wracked with laughter, and has to be dragged from the scene* 

5. At a sleepover, wait until everyone is distracted, then steal their left shoes and put them in the freezer.

6. Put sand in your sibling's bed.

7. Talk over people whenever they try to say something. Example:

Bryn: And then I was like, "Steven, you can't be seriou—"
You: MY PANTS ARE MADE OF PUDDING.
Bryn: What? Uh, sure. And then Steven sai—
You: DON'T YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT PUDDING PANTS?
Bryn: Why are yo—
You: PUDDING PANTS, PUDDING PANTS. PUDDINGPUDDINGPUDDING PANTS.

8. Give yourself an extravagant title such as "Lord of all that was, is, and ever will be" or "The Pancake Man." Insist on referring to yourself in the third person. If someone refuses to call you by your title, buy a bunch of pies and throw them at the offender until she gives in.

9. Send link after link of painfully unfunny Youtube videos. When the recipients tell you that they didn't like one, apologize and say that the next one will be better. Rinse and repeat.

10. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your imaginary friend. Then put your arm around him, chuff him fondly on the chin, and say "This one's on you, right, Steve-O?