إِنَّ اللّهَ لاَ يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّى يُغَيِّرُواْ مَا بِأَنْفُسِهِمْ

"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." [13:11]

Bonus: 11 More Ways To Successfully Annoy an Equally Annoying Counterpart

1. Ask people what gender they are. When they respond, scratch your head, look skeptical, and ask, "You sure about that?"

2. Yell random numbers while someone is trying to count.

3. Beatbox along to every song, even if you can't beatbox. Especially if you can't beatbox.

4. Get on your hands and knees in the middle of a busy, crowded hallway. If someone asks you to move, scream "I'M LOOKING FOR MY CONTACT LENS. BACK OFF." Then lie on their feet.

5. Get into a fake boxing match with someone who has no idea what you're doing.

6. Sing your own theme music while you run down the halls acting like a ninja.

7. Ask the girl at the cash register if you can pay her in gum. When she says no, ask if you can pay her in trash.

8. Block your eyes and yell "EEWWWWWW!" at all of the kissing scenes in movies.

9. When someone tells you something, say "What?" as if you didn't hear. See how many times they'll repeat themselves until they catch on.

10. Stare quizzically at people. When asked what you're doing, just turn away, shake your head, and mumble something about "the prophecy."

11. When the waiter asks if your food is okay, burst into tears and launch into your life story. The long version.

10 Ways To Successfully Annoy an Equally Annoying Counterpart

Is there someone in your life who, for no particular reason at all, you want to annoy? That kid in your history class, your friends, your parents, your parents' friends, your friend's friend's sister's cousin twice removed? Well, now you can! And I personally guarantee your satisfaction: your unsuspecting victim will cry, attempt to kill you, and then beg for mercy, while still attempting to kill you.

This series has been divided into 2 parts. Ten more tactics will be posted as soon as I get out of this cellar.

1. Say someone's name over and over. If possible, add stuff that rhymes. Example:

You: Dan. Dan. Dan. DAN, SERIOUSLY. Dan. Dan. Dan the Man. Dan-a-lan-a-dingdong. Dan-a-roo. Dan Face. Danny Boy. Dan. Dan. Da—"
Dan: WHAT?
You: Your fly is down. 

2. Tell everyone his fly is down, even if it isn't. This is especially effective if you make outrageously unsubtle hand signals in the direction of his crotch during his class presentation.

3. Bring 13 popsicles to class. Line them up on your desk. Challenge yourself to a popsicle-eating race. Slurp as loudly as possible.

4. Overreact to absolutely everything that someone says. Example:

Gary: So then I bought pants.
You: YOU DIDN'T!! GARY, YOU SLY, SLY SONOFAGUN! YOU OLD DOG, YOU! *Falls to the floor, wracked with laughter, and has to be dragged from the scene* 

5. At a sleepover, wait until everyone is distracted, then steal their left shoes and put them in the freezer.

6. Put sand in your sibling's bed.

7. Talk over people whenever they try to say something. Example:

Bryn: And then I was like, "Steven, you can't be seriou—"
You: MY PANTS ARE MADE OF PUDDING.
Bryn: What? Uh, sure. And then Steven sai—
You: DON'T YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT PUDDING PANTS?
Bryn: Why are yo—
You: PUDDING PANTS, PUDDING PANTS. PUDDINGPUDDINGPUDDING PANTS.

8. Give yourself an extravagant title such as "Lord of all that was, is, and ever will be" or "The Pancake Man." Insist on referring to yourself in the third person. If someone refuses to call you by your title, buy a bunch of pies and throw them at the offender until she gives in.

9. Send link after link of painfully unfunny Youtube videos. When the recipients tell you that they didn't like one, apologize and say that the next one will be better. Rinse and repeat.

10. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your imaginary friend. Then put your arm around him, chuff him fondly on the chin, and say "This one's on you, right, Steve-O?

What's the weirdest misconception you have encountered about Islam?

A common misconception that people have is that dropping bombs on Muslims is a quick fix for volatile political situations in foreign countries. Strangely enough, Muslims react similarly to other people when they are bombed:

1. They die, and
2. The survivors get pissed off

- Aamer during an interview for The Age

50 Things That Should Not Exist

1.      Mondays.

2.      Stupid, uncomfortable chairs.

3.      People who sharpen their pencils slowly.

4.      Stores that check your receipt as you exit, making you feel like a criminal.

5.      Mean cats.

6.      Disease.

7.      Teachers who lie about due dates

8.      Mysterious sticky spots on desks.

9.      The phrase, "We need to give it 110%."

10.  Long sales receipts that include a code at the bottom for an online survey, that, when completed, will enter you for a chance to win a gift card. (We never win, and yet we always get our hopes up.)

11.  Blisters on the back of the ankle caused by new shoes and/or skates.

12.  Grass (Because you'd think by now it would have evolved and learned that if it grows, it will get mowed.)

13.  Back-of-the-knee sweat.

14.  Splinters.

15.  Wisdom teeth.

16.  Poverty.

17.  Fluctuating speed limits on long stretches of heavily patrolled road.

18.  Popped collars.

19.   People with tattoos written in a language that they cannot speak.

20.  Hurricanes.

21.  Racism.

22.  Park benches that are still wet from the storm that came through about two hours ago.

23.  Product placement visible in most TV shows and movies.

24.  Any arcade game or toy vending machine that costs more than 50 cents.

25.  Jay Leno

26.  Most of the videos on YouTube.

27.  Ants that disobey

28.  Traffic. (Especially if the cause of the traffic is a mystery even after the traffic jam eases up.)

29.  Any car horn other than your own.

30.  Clowns.

31.  Headaches caused by clowns.

32.  WebPages that automatically play music.

33.  Shayateen.

34.  Burned popcorn.

35.  Cold floors in the morning.

36.  Nightmares about final exams for classes you've never taken.

37.  Prescription drug commercials.

38.  Ignorance.

39.  Stinky ice cubes.

40.  Cashiers who act as though they've never seen a coupon or returned merchandise before.

41.  Paper cuts.

42.  Burglars.

43.  The short length of time glow-in-the-dark objects actually glow.

44.  Evil.

45.  Loud clocks.

46.  Homework.

47.  More homework.

48.  War.

49.  Dead batteries.

50. Cavities.

Weekend Mashup

Sunday night. I’m in bed with my laptop burning the skin off my legs and a cup of tea burning the skin off my hands. Yet my weekend was so glorious that I am actually content with these possibly crippling injuries. I haven’t done anything of monetary value, but I feel like I got a lot accomplished. Maybe that’s because I’m used to doing nothing. Let’s go back in time.

Friday. It’s too long ago for me to remember. I do recall taking a nap, though.  

Saturday. It’s the day reserved for restoring my lost sleep of the week, so I usually stay in bed for a minimum of 15 hours. When I wake up, I spend the day moping around in my room, pretending to do homework and eating my weight in Cinnamon Toast Crunch. This Saturday, however, I woke up at an astonishing 9 AM to go to IHOP. I’d never been there before, so it was quite a life changing experience. My friend and I were the only ones who weren’t 60-years-old. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many hungry old people in one place. Got a stack of cinnamon-infested pancakes. Drove to the amiga’s house. Spent an hour prank calling and watched Pineapple Express. All of my teenage wished have been fulfilled, and it’s only 1 PM. Drove back to my house. Picked up the baby sister. Went on a hike. Collected air soft gun pellets. Climbed trees. Nearly died on some train tracks. Came back home. Looked up things on the Internet. 2 hours later. Went skating with the family. Maghrib at the masjid. Fried ice cream. Went to sleep as a fatty.

Sunday. This was my first Sunday without homework, and I didn’t waste a second to enjoy my temporary freedom. Woke up to a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Colored with my kids at Sunday School. Came home. Looked up things on the Internet. Here I am now. The end.

This has been a completely pointless post.

New Psychological Disorders

Despite the permanent brain damage I’ve experienced during my senior year in high school, I can actually say that I’m learning something in my psychology class. So here’s an unofficial list of disorders that might not be sanctioned by psychologists, nor will they be found in the DSM-IV, but I think you might be able to recognize some of these mental hiccups:

Nomennonscisia: Amnesia that occurs when you see some person you've met, like, 100 times already, and you must introduce him to your friend, and you JUST. CAN'T. REMEMBER. HER NAME. FOR THE LIFE OF YOU.

Temponarcolepsy: The overwhelming sensation of sleepiness when (a) you get to class, (b) there’s a test, or (c) you've been asked to do the dishes.

Sneakonmania: The chronic desire to wear high-tops year-round, even in 250 degree weather.

Nonterphobia: The fear that, if you don't get on the internet immediately, you will never catch up with what's going on and will not understand what anyone is talking about for weeks and weeks.

Omninusquamia: Sitting around the house all weekend long, not doing anything, until... HOLY CATS! Is it Monday already?

Supervivatus by Proxy: Hyperactive interest in your friend's life, because nothing is going on in yours.

Oculophilia: Staring off into space only to realize that you’ve been staring at some dude across the classroom for the past 15 minutes. The poor soul now thinks that you are the biggest creep on the face of this planet and will avoid making eye contact with you for as long as he lives.

Pedagravita: The uncanny ability to trip and fall at the most embarrassing moments (in front of a full school bus, while holding a cafeteria tray, etc.).

Parentasilencia: When parents ask why you're so glum, you just grunt and poke your vegetables with a fork. Why must they use words like "glum," anyway? That just makes you more "glum," thereby worsening your psychological disorder of parentasilencia. *le sigh*